We have reached a New Year with good intentions, goals and more. How are you approaching your dating life? Are you telling yourself what you don’t want instead of focusing on what you do want? Are you cursing the last partner you had? Lamenting over the last breakup? If you are, know that this is normal. What you are willing to do single in 2017 is what will make the difference for you. Take a look at your past relationships and see what you gave and the things you weren’t willing to compromise on. What about the issues you weren’t willing talk about. Was it important to you to be right or get your point across? What were you afraid of? Did you give your all or did you have a wall up? Maybe you were waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The types of conversations you have with your friends about what you want in a relationship are very important. What are your thoughts? Do you think to yourself, “There are no good men out there” or “I’m running out of time.” “Men just want to use me.” What about the lies we tell ourselves so we won’t be alone? “I’m not looking for anything serious.” “I just want to have fun or hook up.” Do you really want to hook up or are you hoping he will come around? Oh and by the way, there is nothing wrong with hooking up as long as you are both clear and in agreement about it.
I bring this to your attention because you might not realize you are doing it. I have been in situations just going with the flow hoping he would come around. What I really wanted was a relationship. There have been times in my life, where I built a wall around myself and wouldn’t allow myself to love or be loved. Those actions allowed me to be hurt and because of it I was closed. I really wanted a relationship and didn’t realize the things I was doing that was stopping me from having a relationship. It wasn’t until I looked at the type of men that I was chasing and my demanding ways, was when I really got the impact of why my relationships weren’t working out. When I look back I was being needy, irrational, manipulative and mean. I hurt people. Did I know that at the time? I did not. In my mind my ex was doing everything to me and I was perfect. Why couldn’t he just get it? In my healing journey, I got really deep. I uncovered some hurts that I didn’t know about. Those past hurts were stopping me from the love that I didn’t think I deserved.
Here are some suggestions to support you in your healing. Have compassion for yourself. Take care of you. Being single is a good time to be selfish and working on this area of your life. You can start by healing those past hurts. Start being honest about what you really want. You can create a list of the qualities and characteristics you would want in a partner. That list really works. I look at my list and I am still shocked. You can create a love vision board. You can fill it up with pictures, words and a picture of you smiling on it. You would be surprised what you can create when you are intentional. If you have some questions that are still unanswered you can seek professional help in the form of therapy or coaching. I myself have done both.
This week do something to celebrate you. It can be a massage, girls night out or an evening home soaking in a aromatherapy bath. When you take care of you, it all comes around full circle.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please share with a friend and let me know your thoughts below in the comment section.